After reading through my last few blog posts, I came to realize that the tone of my writings had become somewhat negative when describing my experiences of the past few months. Based on the feedback that I received, many people seem to have gotten the wrong impression from my post “Game Over”; some assumed that I was going to completely give up making music. Let me assure you: nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, I’m about to become more active than I’ve ever been.

One of the most important realizations I’ve had in a long time occurred at the time that I wrote “Game Over”; in order to sculpt a better future, you have to break the mold of the past. I was so fixated on trying to “make it” in the German music industry (the reason I left my home in America over 20 years ago), I had forgotten why I became a musician in the first place: to make music! My obsession with trying to find a “true believer” – someone in the the music industry machine who not only recognized my talent, but believed they could make money off of it – had kept me from my true calling.

I had discussions with some people who gave me a sobering assessment of my chances achieving a breakthrough in this business in Germany; no chance. Ironically, that alone was not the problem; I had always been aware of the disadvantages I had in trying to establish myself here as a pop star (my age, my personality, my versatility, etc.) The real kicker came when it was suggested to me by a potential manager that not only were my looks, talent, charm and personality “not enough to get the breakthrough” that I was looking for over here, but in order to get that breakthrough, I would have to return to making a style of music that I stopped making back it the 90s, in order to sound more “modern” and fit in the current music industry trends.

It was that assessment, as well as a series of disappointing setbacks at the hands of so-called “friends” already established in the industry that led me to the decision to abandon my goal of breaking into the German music business as a solo artist. I was always taught never to compromise myself as an artist just to fit in with what everyone thinks is cool and how people think I should sound, and I’ve spent my entire career up to this point following the advice of people who tried to make me into something I’m not, so deciding to let it go of my dream of making it, while difficult emotionally, was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, because suddenly my mind and my heart was free for music again.

Breaking with the past helped me look into the future with a new pair of glasses. My optimism has been restored, and I’m creative again. I’m collaborating with more people, just enjoying the experience of making music, not as a job, but as an extension of me. Best of all; I’m rediscovering my instrument, exploring new ways to work with my voice. Of course I’m writing new material, and at the same time working hard to get my current material in the hands of as many people as possible. It only took a few verbal slaps in the face to achieve that. Thank you, universe!

Life is a 12-round boxing match; it’s only round four for me. Fight!



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It came during my weekly teaching session. During my break I received a call that I had been waiting on for some time. As is so often the case in life , one prays for the best but expects, even counts on, the worst; my gut feeling told me that even though previous conversations with this person were from my perspective very promising [wishful thinking?], this conversation would have a negative outcome. Unfortunately, my gut was right.

For many artists, especially in the performing arts, one of the hardest things to cope with is the notion that people are not interested in you or what you do. Even worse: the knowledge that these people are indeed interested in you, but for one reason or another will not invest the time, energy or resources to help you further your career. It doesn’t matter if it’s the audience that one performs in front of, or the many entertainment industry ‘gatekeepers’ (managers, label bosses, producers, directors, agents, PR people, etc.) that can be the key to a successful career; artists need, even thrive on, attention. These gatekeepers are the ones who determine whether or not an artist gets this kind of attention, and if they do not believe in you, a career in the spotlight is nearly impossible to establish.

After years of trying to find such a support mechanism in the German music industry machine, a sad and inconvenient truth finally caught up with me: they’re not into what I have to offer.

No matter what I’ve done or how hard I’ve tried, the gatekeepers, movers and shakers in this industry don’t want me. It’s a lot like being in love with someone who doesn’t like you; no matter how hard you try, there’s nothing you can do to get them interested in you. The revelation of this truth last night was especially difficult to process, given that I’ve spent the past 15 years of my life trying to establish myself as a recording artist in this country, always telling myself that there is a market in Germany for the kind of music I make. [My pursuit of this dream is the main reason why I made Germany my permanent home.]

Last night’s conversation was the final piece of evidence that my belief and reality do not quite match up, and the reason for my decision to give up my dream of a career in the recording industry.

Does this mean that I will completely give up making music? Of course not! Quite the contrary; I’m more determined than ever to broaden my musical horizons and to continue to develop my skills. In my relentless pursuit of a place at the German music industry table, I become the musician I’ve always wanted to be, and for that I’m grateful. Thanks to the Internet, I can bring my passion directly to those who will appreciate it the most.

I’m at a point in life now where I have no further interest in begging for acceptance into a club that doesn’t want to offer me membership. I’m okay with that.

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While pondering those comments, my thoughts immediately went to a book I was reading during my time on the show, John Niven’s excellent “Second Coming”, in which God returns from vacation to find how horrible the plight of mankind is. He sends Jesus Christ back to earth to try and make things right; Jesus on Earth is a musician who lives in a commune and decides to take part in a casting show to spread God’s message.

What made the book so interesting for me at the time was how Niven perfectly described how casting / reality shows work behind the scenes; specifically, how contestants are portrayed to the viewing public, how the public is influenced into rooting for or against contestants in the form of the “home story” – the deliberate insight into the contestants’ private lives in order to drum up interest – and how the choice of song plays a critical role in the crafting of a contestant’s image. Jesus refused to be typecast by the shows producers; he went against everything that was suggested to him, from the way he dressed to the songs he performed in the show. He eventually was voted off the show in the quarterfinals, but became the most successful contestant to ever take part of the show, all because he stuck to his principles.

The combination of the book’s premise and Rea’s statement caused me to reevaluate myself in a way that I hadn’t done for a long time.

It took me many years to find out who I was musically, mostly through trial and error. In that time I learned how to survive, adapt, and grow as a musician and as a person. I’ve been able to present my talents to literally millions of people through my live shows and TV appearances. The portrayal of the smooth-yet-powerful balladeer in my rendition of “Love’s Divine” during TVOG was definitely who I am musically, but only one of my many different facets. The rocker persona portrayed in “Closer To The Edge” was another one.

When Rea said to me backstage earlier in the day, “I appreciate that you are being true to who you are instead of trying to win a casting show”, it caused me to ponder a deeper question; how far must one be willing to go in order to achieve a goal?

As the feedback rolled in after my exit and some people criticized my choice of song in the first live show and (falsely) attributed it to my early exit, I was confronted with not only that question but an even more personal one:

which has the highest priority; my desire to show who I was musically, or feeding the public’s already fixed notion of who I was, or better put: who they wanted me to be based on what they saw on TV?

You hear stories of how those in politics, business, sports, the arts and so on went through great sacrifices to order to achieve their success, and how once that level of success is achieved it is hard, if not impossible, to return to ones true self. Success hates change, which is why its important to establish one’s true identity early on, in this business or any other, in order to make any future changes less controversial.

A prime example of this phenomenon is the very talented singer / songwriter Stefanie Germanotta, aka Lady Gaga. She’s one of today’s biggest pop stars, but not because of her talent, rather due to the image that was crafted for her by her producer and record label; You never hear anyone in the press talk about her talent, only her over-the-top persona. That is something I never wanted to experience in my own career, because I’ve worked too hard on perfecting my skills as a musician only to have them reduced to a footnote in the pages of music history. Some would say ‘that’s how the game is played’. My question is, why?

How far would YOU go to reach your goals in life? I’d love to have your feedback!

It’s been six weeks now since I last appeared on television. I was only on ‘The Voice Of Germany’ for a total of three shows, had little presence in the media (compared to Nina Kutschera, Michael Schulte or Percival) and an above average social media presence. Yet the few times I was on TV seemed to have made an impression on quite a few people. That was the reason I wanted to do the show all along; to attach a face to the voice that Germany has heard for so many years, but never knew who it was.

With this recognition comes a new set of challenges. It’s no secret that in Germany, being on a casting show is a cardinal sin for many pro musicians, given the horrible reputation that reality TV in Germany has, specifically music-related shows like ‘Deutschland Sucht Den Superstar’ (for my English-speaking readers: the German version of ‘American Idol’). For years, German TV audiences have been conditioned to think that only young, inexperienced, not very bright amateurs are allowed to participate in such competitions, and though ‘The Voice Of Germany’ did a lot to raise the reputation of the music casting show format, it did little to change the stigma that such a show places on its contestants. In other countries, being in such a show is considered a privilege; if you are talented, you go on TV. It’s a given. In Germany, the opposite is the case; ‘no one with true talent goes on such a show’ is the common wisdom. Until TVOG, people with “real talent” were turned away in droves. The show definitely changed many attitudes about how German audiences perceive what a television talent show could be like, but the perception problem is still there.

Hence my dilemma. Although the wider public has now seen what I and many of my friends and colleagues can do, it seems that the German media in general will not allow some of us to capitalize on our new found recognition, at least without certain strings attached. The praise that I have received from many viewers has not (yet) translated into interest from the German media machine in the form of radio airplay, offers for further TV appearances or interest from the press, leaving me to wonder if the whole experience – despite having reached people who would have otherwise never heard of me – was really worth it.

There are some signs that this experience will benefit me in ways other than growing my fan base, but that’s the subject for another day. I believe there are other, more cynical reasons why certain types of reality TV shows do more to hurt artists than help them, and that is topic of my next blog.

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The concept of “quality” is, of course, a matter of individual taste. That concept was tested a number of times in this show, starting in the Battle Rounds with the exit of many fantastic singers such as Butch Williams, Pamela Falcon, Giovanni Costello and others, and continued during the live shows with the highly questionable departures of Rüdiger, Percival, Rino, Ramona and yours truly. Indeed, many in Germany – rightly so, in my opinion – questioned the credibility of the show, given that it was supposed to be about “the voice”, and that skepticism was reflected in the declining ratings.

As it became clear who would be in the finale and the somewhat bizarre judging criteria (public telephone / SMS vote plus number of downloads sold, which were counted double) was established, it was apparent to many who could end up winning the title; my former team colleague Michael had such a commanding lead in the Download Charts over Ivy and my personal favorite Kim that it was almost inevitable that he would win, with either Max or Ivy in second place. Kim didn’t seem to have a chance.

As the show for underway, however, a transformation was underway. With every performance from Ivy and Kim, the inevitability of the show’s outcome became more and more unsure. Granted, all of the night’s performances were great (some were of course better than others, but that’s also a matter of taste), but the performances of these two women were indeed something special; in particular, Kim’s songs were performed with a passion and intensity that I’ve rarely seen from her, and I’ve known her for a long time.

It was very hard for me to contain my sense of joy as I learned the results of the voting, for a number of reasons both professional and personal. Not only did the German audience choose the two best singers left in the competition; consider that they were also:

- the last two females in the competition, and it’s been a number of years since Germany has had a female solo artist win a casting show;

- the youngest and the oldest competitors left;

- non-Germans;

- women of color;

- the last “real” amateur and pro singers

Personally, I wanted Kim to prevail (as everyone knows by now), but I’m just as happy that Ivy won and Kim was runner up, and it was the viewing audience that gave them their victories. Their achievement is a clear signal that the German television audience does indeed care about quality, despite what we have been led to believe by the media for so many years. For all of the sometimes negative critique that has been given to the show, it remains the best such reality-based show to appear on German television in many years, due to the quality of the candidates. It appears to have resonated with the public.

Could the TVOG finale have been more exciting or dramatic with other, more dynamic finalists? Who knows. One thing is clear, though; given all that has happened to me and others in this crazy journey through the casting show jungle, the right people came out on top in the end. Justice has been done.


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