The above situation actually happens quite often; I’m often offered money to perform longer than is stated in my contract. The question for me: is such a request a compliment to my skill as an entertainer, or an insult to the hard work and discipline I put into my chosen line of work?

There are two schools of thought on whether or not being an entertainer qualifies as a real job: those who are actually in the profession, who naturally see what they do as the epitome of entrepreneurship and self reliance, and those in the audience who see performers as carefree souls, wandering aimlessly from one show to another, with no real responsibilities; we do it for fun, thus it can’t be a “real job”.

It’s that second group of people who are usually the ones who ask the questions that most of us working musicians tend to hate, like “So, what do you do for a living?” or “Do you earn enough money doing this?” or usually tend to start every conversation with “Well, I used to play in a band, too”. (word of advice: NEVER start a conversation with a musician with this line: that will keep you from looking like a total idiot.) Given that entertainment is something people turn to as an escape from the monotony of daily life, they tend to see those who provide the entertainment as something different or somehow exotic, sometimes out of admiration or jealousy. This characterization, be it positive or negative, has the unfortunate effect that it causes people to not see entertainment and those who provide it as something to be taken seriously, even in situations that are very serious, like rallies, demonstrations for certain causes and political events. Also playing a role in this attitude toward performers is the fact that people generally always have an opinion on things they aren’t capable of doing very well themselves (if at all), thus empowering them to offer commentary on a job like that of an entertainer with a certain sense of superiority, regardless of how famous the entertainer may (or may not) be. A prime example: the notion that the public has a right to know about the private lives of celebrities. The idea that people can have a profession that is fun and pays well is a hard concept for many people to swallow, thus lending credence to the belief that working in the entertainment field is not real work.

In fact, being an entertainer can be a very complex business. Professional entertainers at a certain level who don’t have a staff (like me) often need skills in the fields of organization, communication, financial management, and logistics in order to work effectively; I not only go on stage and sing, I’m also the manager, booking agent, travel agent, secretary, contract lawyer and accountant. It’s only when the workload becomes too great that many working musicians get managers or agents. We do things in our jobs that many people go to school and get a degree to learn how to do, which is why I tend to get a little irate when situations such as the one mentioned above take place, because I see it as an affront to the long hours, hard work and dedication I’ve put into my craft over the years. For someone to offer me a measly fifty bucks to do one more song is somewhat of an insult; it’s like having your boss ask you to stay an extra hour or two at work to type something after you’ve been writing a report all day, because he likes the font you used in the report you just finished. The difference being that an office worker would probably lose their job if such a situation came up and they did not comply. In fact, I often do get such requests from my clients in the form of an extra encore or an entire set, but I’m usually offered a lot more than fifty bucks.

In the end it all boils down to the perception of what constitutes “having a job”. Despite what many people might think, being an entertainer is indeed a real job, and, deserves to be treated as such, thank you very much.

So, what did I learn from last week’s show?

1. I have a new appreciation for security personnel.

2. Using your recently deceased mother as an excuse to pressure a singer to do an encore is NOT CUTE.

3. Playing a near flawless show with musicians you haven’t seen in many years is a testament to the talent and skill of those musicians.

4. Free food truly does rock, even if it doesn’t taste that good.

5. Free drinks rock even more.

6. If you can’t take no for an answer, don’t ask the question.

7. Patience has its limits.

Gig 1: May 20 – Session Werk, Walldorf

I’ve performed in many, many venues in Germany over the last 15 years or so; from bars, clubs and restaurants, to city and village festivals, to huge open-air concerts with thousands of people. From seaside hangouts to ski resorts in the Alps, I’ve played almost everywhere, especially in Baden-Württemberg (where I live), which makes it hard to believe that there are quite a few venues that I have never performed in. One such place was the bar belonging to the well-known music store Session Music, located in Walldorf, near Heidelberg. I’d been asked to perform there with the house band off and on for five years, but I never had time until recently, when friend and colleague Stefan Breuer asked me to perform there with his band. The emcee of the the night was another colleague, a singer named Gonzo. I knew most of the musicians in the house band from other bands that I’d performed with, but this was the first time I played with this particular formation, and we had no time to rehearse together, which made me a little nervous. The interesting thing to me was how full the club was (it’s a huge venue), despite being hot outside, a holiday and the UEFA Cup Finals being on TV.

Gig 2: May 21 – King Kamehameha Club, Frankfurt am Main

My spot. I LOVE this club, Especially in the summer. It was packed (as usual), and this particular night there were three front singers, which is rare. Considering that it was also very warm outside on this evening (even at eleven o’clock) and there are four other clubs on the same street as the KingKa, having so many people on that night was truly amazing. Again, it’s a testament to the hard work we put into making Thursday night a success.

Gig 3: May 22 – Restaurant Nizza, Frankfurt am Main

Change of pace (or so I thought): A wedding reception in a fancy restaurant on the banks of the Main River. A rather small gathering, only about 50 to 60 guests, all extremely stylish, with the ladies in their gowns and the men in either suits or tuxedos. What they lacked in comfort, however, they more than made up for in endurance, partying well into the early morning, way after we had finished our show (the father of the bride was particularly amusing). Even at 3:00 AM, the weather was still warm enough to engage in various outdoor activities.

Gig 4: May 23 – City Festival, Bad Homburg

My favorite gig of my little tour; a duo gig in one of the town squares of Bad Homburg, just me on vocals and my colleague Jan Stürmer on acoustic guitar. Very relaxed yet very challenging; our job was to entertain a large group of spectators (up to a thousand people at any given time) over a three hour time span using just our voices and a single instrument. That is music-making in it’s purest form, and we were successful in our mission.

Gig 5: May 24 – Radio RPR1 Family Festival, Bingen

After having performed four days in a row, I was exhausted. The last thing my body needed was to perform outside on the hottest day of the year. Being the soldier that I am, however, that’s exactly what I did. My final show of the week was in Bingen, a city on the banks of the Rhine River. It was 33° Celsius (91° Fahrenheit) outside, which is very hot by german standards. The bad part: we had to perform four sets during the day, starting at 1:30 in the afternoon. The festival was not very well attended, perhaps due to the extreme heat.

Summer Madness

What all five shows had in common was the effect the excellent weather had on people’s ability to enjoy themselves. Sunshine and warm temperatures are known to activate feelings of happiness and pleasure in humans; it’s no coincidence that more alcohol is sold, more concerts are attended, and more relationships are either begun or made permanent through marriage in the warm-weather months than the cold-weather months.

Unfortunately, it also tends to deactivate our sense of fashion, especially color coordination, in many cases. In that respect, summer-like weather also deactivates our sense of shame, which can be a blessing or a curse, depending on your point of view. I’ve been witness to people dressing in ways I’ve only laughed about on really bad sketch comedy shows or soft porn movies on cable TV. Simply AMAZING.

So, what have I learned from my latest road trip?

1. NEVER book a hotel room in a big city on the side of the building facing the street.

2. If you’re confident in your abilities, it doesn’t matter if new to a situation or not.

3. The warmer it is outside, the more willing people are to make total fools of themselves.

4. The passage of time is relative when you’re in good spirits.

5. Just because it’s warm outside doesn’t mean that the party’s dead inside.

6. Take time to appreciate not only what you do, but where you do it.

7. Sandals and socks are NOT CUTE.

8. Big t-shirts and sport leggings are WORSE.

9. If you’re going to wear a sleeveless top and sport leggings, at least be in shape.

10. Just when you think you’ve done it all, you quickly realize that you haven’t.

Judging by what I’ve experienced on this latest road trip, it’s going to be a very interesting summer indeed.

Nice Bathrooms

That being said, there are in more cases than not certain little things that can greatly influence how a musician performs their duties at such events. An example is the quality of the hotel room they’re booked in; specifically, the cleanliness of the bathroom. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m more than a little spoiled when it comes to hotel accommodations, since I’ve been fortunate enough to worked my way up far enough in the pro musician food chain as to (almost) always get a decent hotel in the cities that I perform, always paid for by the client. I’m somewhat of a bathroom fetishist; it’s usually the first thing I check when I enter a room, and over the years I’ve seen some really “interesting” things in some really top hotels, all in the bathroom. I’ve stayed in rat holes with very clean bathrooms, and in 5-star hotels with really disgusting ones, and everything in between. Let’s just say that an improperly cleaned hotel room is a mood killer in just about any situation, but especially when you want to relax before a long show, and very many of my fellow musicians (at least the singers I know) spend a large chunk of their time in the bathroom; our vanity dictates this.

Long Gigs

Roughly eighty percent of a musicians time at a company party of similar event is spent waiting. Waiting. Waiting even more. Keep in mind that the average band arrives at a venue five hours or more before the show actually starts, depending on the size of the venue, the position of the band in the overall evening plan, and the preparation and serving of the food (if there is food to served, which there almost always is). A typical show starts between 8 and 10 PM, with “dinner music”, a.k.a. “music to be ignored by”. I hate dinner music. Seriously. There’s nothing more nerve-wracking than trying to entertain people who aren’t paying the slightest bit of attention to you. It’s often the case, however, that the band will play instrumental music, so that’s a small consolation. Afterwards, the party goes into full effect.

Very often we run into the situation that the event organizer, who generally always makes a big fuss about something prior to the start of the event, will ask us for an extra set, because he or she is so excited (alcohol-induced, of course) about the great job the band is doing, that we obviously have to play longer. I attribute this euphoric attitude to the age-old notion that musicians perform on stage purely for the fun of it; in other words, making music is “not a real job”, so it should be no problem if we play all night long, as long as we get a little extra for it. “Not a real job”; I often wonder how these event organizers would react to the knowledge that many of the pro musicians they hire for their events earn probably much more on average than they do. So much for “not being a real job”…

The Gala Event Food Chain

We musicians are indeed a spoiled bunch, at least most of the time. Granted, I’ve only ever worked as a musician in Europe, so I have no idea how it is to work a similar scene in the States, but I can imagine it’s pretty much the same everywhere. Having said that, there is a certain hierarchy in the event business; we musicians are somewhere in the middle of the food chain. We very often enjoy the perks of getting special treatment from the heads of the organizations for which the event is being held, being allowed to mingle with the guests, eating the same meals as the guests, and being able to leave right after our performance is done, all luxuries not afforded to the others who also make such events possible like the technical crew, caterers and bartenders, security personnel and cleanup crew, or the event agencies themselves.

At the end of the day, however, we are no less “service crew” as the others are: we have to do what we’re told, when we’re told to do it. When we’re asked to play extra sets, more often than not we honor that request, for the simple fact that not honoring it could jeopardize our standing with the client, thus making the prospect of future gigs at other events doubtful, thus affecting a future source of income. Over the years, though, I’ve modeled my attitude toward such requests after the motto, “not all money is good money”. Sometimes, though, beggars can’t be choosers, especially if you have bills to pay and a lifestyle to support.

So, what have I learned from my latest road trip?

1. Everyone was a musician at some point in their existence.

2. For some people, speaking into a microphone is the highlight of their year.

3. If you see a group of 4 or more men huddled around the dessert table, it’s most likely the band.

4. DJ’s have a much easier job than musicians do.

5. DJ’s have a much harder job than musicians do.

6. If one person asks if the band can play longer, it’s most likely the one who will actually pay the band.

7. If more than one person asks if the band can play longer, they most likely have nothing to do with the ones who actually pay the band.

8. Sometimes we take the amount of time we spend traveling for granted.

9. As a songwriter, I envy the person who wrote “I Will Survive”.

10. As a musician, If I ever meet the person who wrote “I Will Survive”, they’re getting punched in the nose.

- If they’re hunched over while flicking with their left or right index finger in different directions, or sporadically rocking from side to side or forwards and backwards, they’re more than likely iPhone users.

- If they’re hunched over working their thumbs in a twiddling motion as though practicing for a thumb-wrestling match, they’re likely Blackberry users.

- If they’re hunched over constantly rotating their phones from the upright to the sideways position, they’re likely Android or Symbian users.

- If they’re hunched over constantly reaching for the power button, they’re likely Windows Mobile users.

Now, keep in mind that I didn’t specifically mention the brand of smartphone hardware (given that only iPhones use the iPhone OS and Blackberries use the Blackberry OS, it made no sense to try and differentiate between Nokia, Samsung, LG and Sony-Ericsson devices); these traits are specific to the operating systems of the different brands, according to my observations. Now, before I’m accused of being an iPhone fanboy (which I am, admittedly and quite proudly), also keep in mind that I have tried all of the above mentioned gadgets out in various cell phone shops before and after I got my smartphone of choice, and not all of my smartphone owning friends have iPhones, so my own experiences do somewhat come into play regarding my observations. My point is not about preferring one gadget over another.

The much larger point is about the sometimes total lack of acknowledgement that other human beings exist when these gadgets are in use; if “normal” mobile phone users are bad personal communicators, smartphone users are much worse. I’ve witnessed accidents on both busy and not-so-busy sidewalks involving people bumping into each other head on while typing on their Blackberries; arguments breaking out on trains between PlayStation Portable and iPhone users regarding which device has the better games; Windows Mobile users become loud, agitated and downright violent while dealing with the slow user interfaces and crashes of their gadgets. I’ve been involved in demonstrations of my phone’s capabilities and program comparisons with other iPhone users, which is fun and interesting on the one hand; not so cool however, when having such exchanges in an expensive restaurant filled with people who just want to enjoy their meals. Nothing, though, has quite matched up to the time I witnessed a group of about six or seven smartphone users sending text messages to each other, all standing in the same room.

I myself have been involved in numerous debates over the merits of one smartphone over the other, the latest of which actually made me pause and think about how dependent on gadgets our lives have become. Does technology really make our lives easier? I guess the answer to that now age-old question is definitely sort of. On the one hand, things like smartphones, laptops, Facebook, Twitter, etc. have allowed us to increase our ability to not only communicate with the world outside of our own little boxes, but to do so extremely quickly, from anywhere. Your life can really be in your pocket, which is on the other hand one of the serious drawbacks to faster, smaller, easier technology. Sometimes a good book or a walk in the park is far more entertaining than fiddling around in Facebook with my phone.

In any case, I look forward to a quiet, relaxing evening with family, just as soon as I upload this post, water my virtual iPhone plants and feed my virtual iPhone fish.

Thankfully, my gigs on Thursday and Friday were a blast. The gig in the KingKa (our nickname for the King Kamehameha Club) was awesome as usual, especially considering that the club has been packed on Thursday night every week for the past 8 years; we worked hard to gain such a following, and it’s paying dividends; Thursday is the busiest night of the week for the club thanks to the band, and many of the higher paying gigs I perform all over Germany are a direct result of my appearances at the KingKa.

Friday I played at the Essen Convention Center (known in german as the “Messe”) for an event sponsored by the German Federation of Fitness Studios, known as the DSSV (Deutsche Sportstudio Verband), I was hired as the guest singer for the Freddy Wonder Combo, one of the busiest show bands in south Germany, with whom I performed last year in Wuppertal, together with a 40-piece orchestra. Of course I was stressed out, being that I had only performed once before with this band and we didn’t rehearse, but one of the advantages of playing within multiple pro musician circles is that we all end up having the same repertoire, thus making it easier to perform concerts without having to practice.

This band knows how to get a party going, so performing with them was a lot of fun, and ultimately less stressful for me. Especially entertaining was watching the bandleader Freddy drink beer out of the female lead singer’s shoe. The corniest thing I’ve seen on stage this year so far, and the crowd went crazy for it. I even saw a few people in the audience that I met years ago at other shows in other parts of the country, which is always a highlight for me in my travels. Of course there were very good looking people in the audience, but given that the majority of the crowd either worked at or owned fitness studios, it was hardly a surprise. Tight pants everywhere.

After the two very successful gigs, I arrived at the hotel and got what I had been longing for since the beginning of my gig blitz: a good night’s sleep.

So, what did I learn from the last two gigs?

1. I like trains a lot more than I thought I did.

2. I have a new appreciation for the phrase, “if you build it, they will come.”

3. Even in bad economic times, (most) people still just want to have a good time.

4. Nothing is more satisfying than watching total strangers dancing together on top of bars and tables Coyote Ugly style.

5. Half shirts or tops that show off the midsection should be banned for some people.

6. People who can dance love to show off that they can dance.

7. People who can’t dance love to show off that they can’t dance.

8. Guys with huge muscles don’t look as cool as I thought they did when I was younger.

9. Women with huge muscles (unfortunately) look even worse.

10. I really need to visit Spain more often.

11. Sleep is the most unappreciated human necessity. EVER.